What I Feel When Im Off My Meds

i feel like shit...i feel ugly...i feel worthless...i have no worth in the world...i feel lost and destroyed...i feel like I'm never going to be attractive just the cow i am...i can never do things right i can never belong...i an a ghost in the human world...just looming and pretending to be happy... even when i an happy its not real...just a disque...just a stupid mask on the outside.....nothing can fix me nothing can heal what i destroyed in my life now I'm stuck inside dark cloud that i cant breath in... I'm withering away breath by breath... nobody knows.... i never show.... i cant talk...I'm stuck in tears.........ugly.......wothless...in agony of my own body...this is who i am...the truth...no lies... just me......surrounded in a darkness that is my sole...i destroyed it so many years ago...not seeing what i have done...now i will never be what i once was...a happy attractive young innocent girl...a stupid fool...for putting myself in this hell I'm in...the hell I'm trapped in... my darkness...my pain that I'm tormented with every second i remember I'm still alive...now you know... how i have to hide from everything i am and show a lie...a fate girl...someone you believe is real...i do this for you and cut her out of my body at then end of the day...watch her blood drain from my skin...the darkness slipping back into me...this is what i am...an empty shell destroyed by myself...i cant feel anything but my pain and her lies i tell her to tell you... when I'm alone i wither into myself and transform into my ghostly self that i hate... i cant tell you the agony i feel... and you can imagine...I'm sorry for the lies you know me for...but i did it for you